It’s hard when a marriage ends. A divorce results in the loss of the relationship and, along with it, the shared dreams and vows. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of anticipation and excitement. So when such relationships fail, we experience deep disillusionment, stress, and sorrow. A divorce throws you into unfamiliar grounds. Everything is thrown into confusion: your routine and duties, your home, your relationships with loved ones and even your identity. A breakup brings the following questions about the future. What will life be like without your partner by your side? Will you find someone else in future? Will you end up alone? However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you ‘can’ and ‘will’ move on and life, most certainly, does go on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. Read on further for tips to deal with the trauma that follows a painful divorce.
Dealing With Divorce
Maintain A Positive Self Image
The feelings of defeat and betrayal that accompany divorce can overpower your sense of who you are. But it is important to keep these feelings in perspective. Don’t put yourself down now. What is done is done and it cannot be undone. Stop comparing yourself to others; don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to focus on the things that you can do, even the small things. Every day that you get out of bed is one more day in the recovery process and one more sign that you are slowly learning how to deal with divorce.
As a parent, you may be worried about the effect of the divorce on your children. Kids feel unsure about the future and even angry at the idea of a divorce. It’s also normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support through your divorce or separation. Although this sounds difficult, but giving your children the benefit of an honest—but kid-friendly—explanation is the wisest thing to do.
Remind Yourself That You Still Have A Future
A divorce involves multiple losses like the loss of companionship, shared experiences an also loss of support be it financial, intellectual, social or emotional and also loss of hopes, plans and dreams. As you mourn over the loss of the future you once visualised, be encouraged by the fact that new aspirations and promises will eventually replace your old ones.
Stick To A Routine
A divorce can unsettle almost every area of your life, magnifying feelings of stress, uncertainty and chaos. Going back to a routine can provide a reassuring sense of structure and regularity. Taking a major decision just after your divorce is not the best idea, decide about the job shifting or relocating when you are much less emotional, this will help you take a better decision. Shutting up the world around yourself and drowning yourself with alcohol, drugs or even binge eating is not the solution that will help you in long run. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings than an escape which is unhealthy and destructive.
Dealing With The Stigma Of Divorce
A divorce brings with it the emotional baggage of sorrow, disturbance and guilt and the last thing you need right now is for others to judge you. Yet, it happens. Going through a divorce will probably stop invitations and the phone will, in probability, stop ringing. The reality is people get divorced. And they also happen to get divorced for good reasons. Violence, unfaithfulness and incompatibility are all reasons enough to get a divorce. But there will always be people (friends, parents, relatives, neighbours, co-workers and even random strangers) who disagree with divorce. So how do you deal with that stigma, especially when you are most vulnerable and in desperate need of all the support from around you? Stay amidst sympathetic and non judgemental people, people who understand you the best. Keep your sense of humor and try not to give in to people’s opinions. Focus on your well-being and that of your family.