Find your marriage plummeting towards a divorce, and yourself helpless in trying to make it work? Read on to find out how to avoid divorce.
Find Out The Cause
After the clouds of emotional outbursts have cleared and spells of crying have stopped, take a deep breath and analyse – where could you and your spouse have gone wrong? Was it something the two of you said, or was it something you didn’t say? Is there a serious communication gap? Are you sure you spoke to him/her in the tone that you would want him/her to use when spoken to you? It is silly and childish to say “Oh, so you mean to say it is entirely my fault? That he/she is not wrong.” The fact remains that where the other person was wrong, is something you cannot do anything about, expect perhaps communicate in a tactful way, and hope that he/she will understand and pay heed. However, the areas where you may have gone wrong, are something you can effectively take responsibility for.
Most marriages fail because of unrealized expectations on each side. Remember, that expectations make you emotionally dependent on someone, which you sure wouldn’t want to be. Even if your concern and efforts go unappreciated today, smile and forget it. Women all these years have held their marriages intact, with this one policy – of complete non-expectation. Tell yourself again and again that what you are doing is your duty and not a favour that is to be rewarded. Repeat to yourself that famous verse from the Geeta that speaks of carrying on with your duties, your karma and not expecting anything in return.
Couples do spend a considerable amount of time talking and still end up as failures, when it comes to effective communication. Such a situation arises because they mostly gossip, like two teenagers, but do not really talk about what matters to them. This goes out especially to women – talk it out. Men do not understand hints and they are pathetic when it comes to guessing what’s wrong. It took them centuries to find out that when they ask us “what’s wrong” and we say “nothing”, then something is seriously wrong. When speaking, make sure you do not use any word that you wouldn’t want to hear from your spouse’s mouth for yourself. Also, give your spouse a chance to speak; when he/she does, listen carefully without interrupting.
Many a times, women, and nowadays, even men, complain about how the other person doesn’t have time for them. You may be married, but you still need some time away from each other. Don’t get angry when he tells you he wants to go to the pub with his friends. Instead, call your girlfriends and have a girls’ night out! Men on the other hand turn out to be even more resentful of wives who cannot make time for them. That is when, they start exploring divorce. Since it is always a woman’s prerogative to sustain a marriage, men should learn to be appreciative and supportive.
It may not be easy but forgive, from the core of your heart, and apologise with even more sincerity. It will help you in dealing with the past better and might help you take a fresh look, at the situation.
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