Funny Marriage Quotes

By now, you must have heard a number of clichéd jokes making fun of the sacred institution of marriage. These freakingly hilarious, soft-witted, sharp words of wisdom may sound totally ridiculous at times, but are nevertheless loaded with hilarity and implications and can be source of great fun. Marriages may be one of the best things in one’s life, but they do have their own awe-inducing moments as well. After sometime, relationships do tend to lose their spark and couples begin to complain about their shrinking chemistry or start looking for love elsewhere. To take the sting out of the marriage-monotony, we suggest you take a quick look at the following adorable, crazy, cheesy and awfully funny lines and bring the mirth back to your love life. Soon-to-be-hitched-couples can also pick their cues from the quotes ahead and get prepared for the enjoyable roller-coaster ride that lies ahead. To know more on funny marriage quotes, read on.

Funny Wedding Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t. – Unknown
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. - H.V. Prochnow
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too. - H.L. Mencken
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard
Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. - Elbert Hubbard
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. - Raymond Hull
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
A husband’s last words should always be, OK buy it. - Unknown
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. - Helen Rowland
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. - Evelyn Hendrickson
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. - Billy Connolly
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married? - Barbra Streisand
The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. -Unknown
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

Marriage is more than just an alliance of two hearts and bodies. Treasure the relationship and it will pay you back with loads of love, affection and care. Remember, marriage is both sweet and sour and a cursory glance into these funny marriage quotes will let you know why.

How to Cite

Related Articles

See also

More in 'Art & Entertainment'