Funniest Quotes Ever

Waking up with a long list of ‘to-do’ affairs can be mind-boggling at times. A great belly-laugh is indeed the best way to kick-start your day. Whether you're working in a cubicle, refereeing three squabbling kids, or cramming for an exam, a little giggle and quick chuckle can actually do wonders to pep up your spirit. Remember, nothing is more therapeutic than laughter and taking out time for a hearty hoot can beat the blues out of your day. Just jesting around for some time can relieve your stress as well as help others ease out. So, if you are feeling low or a little turned off, taking a dig at your favorite comic flick, your favorite comic book and even a few comical quotes can get that grin out of you. And the best part is that not everything funny has to make sense. So, let loose your common sense for a while and get on with this amazing collection of funniest quotes ever. This compilation of best of funny quotes and sayings is certain to get you rolling with laughter. Read on to tickle your funny bones.

Best Of Funny Quotes & Sayings

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
He who laughs last probably does not get the joke.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Men are like bank accounts - without a lot of money they don't generate much interest!
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

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