For all those women who often find themselves saying to their friends and family members, “You wouldn’t say such things about him if you knew him like I did”, life is full of lies told to the self, rather than just the family or friends. Control in relationships could vary from deciding where to spend weekends or vacations, to how you should spend every waking moment; from exercising complete control over the television remote, to complete sabotage of the finances that both of you bring into the house. Usually, women and men who are in controlling relationships end up doing what they may not like just to please their partners; or they may leave everything that they have loved for most of their lives just because their partners may not like it. The most formidable problem with those, who are in controlling relationships, is a firm denial; they often refuse to read the warning signs, thus forgoing a chance for avoiding much more heartburn and isolation from their family members and friends. However, most controlling relationships are not abusive; one partner just exercising control because the other never expressed his/her desire. After all, our grandmas also were in controlling relationships, which were hardly abusive; they just did what their husbands expected them, thinking that asserting their individuality, would ruin their marriage. However the times have changed and so do we. Today we have more options than what we had in last few decades. Read on to know more about dealing with a controlling relationship.
Dealing With Controlling Relationships
How Bad Is It?
Is it only the remote of the television that he/she has control over, or is it over your life? The first step in dealing with a controlling relationship is to analyze the situation in terms of how bad it is, and how worse it could go if you do not open your eyes to the bitter truth. If the relationship is worth saving, you might consider taking the following steps, especially if it was you, who refrained from expressing yourself, rather than your partner exercising control over you.
Stand Up, Speak Up
Taking an independent stand before your partner can give you an exact idea of whether the relationship is worth saving or not. For instance, if he’s the one who usually decides what kind of movies you will watch, express your opinion clearly and politely. If he agrees and is considerate in future, you may go ahead with the relationship. If he makes a face, expresses uncontrolled anger, or sulks around, which makes you want to do things the way he wants, just so that he’s happy, he’s not worth all the heartburn. In such a case, instead of looking for a way to salvage the relationship, try to move out of it, as soon as possible.
Openly talking to one’s partner can make a difference too. While talking to him/her have complete control over your anger and frustration. Give him/her specific examples about how, when and how many times, he/she controlled you and refused to take your opinion into account.
It may be important to remember that, if the above said advice only yields abuses and confrontations, you may have to look outside for help or advice. You may get in touch with family members you have never contacted after you met this man/woman. Or else, you may have to call in professional help in the form of a counselor.