Stand Up Jokes

Stand-up comedy is a style of comedy where a comedian performs on stage for a live audience, usually speaking indirectly to them. It is performed by a comedian with the help of a microphone which is mounted or hand held. The performer is often called as the stand-up comic and the jokes which he delivers are called ‘stand up jokes’. Stand up performances are usually short in time where the comedian talks ‘one liner jokes’ or short humorous stories to make the audience roar. This kind of comedy is often performed in comic clubs, colleges and theatres too. People use to perform stand up comedy in the open stage as a part of temple or church festivals in their regional languages. One needs short but hilarious jokes to make people roar in a small amount of time. Although the impact of the performance depends to a large extent on performer's voice and personality, the role of witty humorous lines cannot be discounted. Read on the article to know more stand up jokes.

Stand Up Humor

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.’ The doctor said, “It's old age.” The woman said, “I want a second opinion.” The doctor says, “OK. You’re ugly as well.”
A man walked into the doctor's, he said “I've hurt my arm in several places.” The doctor said “well don't go there any more.”
I went to the doctor’s the other day, and he said, “Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu.” So I went there, and I got it.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many"; and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures”.
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again".
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

Zen Stand Up Jokes

There is no escaping karma in a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited and whose fault was that?
Zen is not easy, it takes effort to attain nothingness, and then what do you have?
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out, forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
Let your mind be as a floating cloud, let your stillness be as the wooded glen, and sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
To find the Buddha, look within, deep inside you are ten thousand flowers, each flower blossoms ten thousand times, each blossom has ten thousand petals, you might want to see a specialist.

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