“He is married…. two kids….crazy wife…and me. Gosh, I’ve broken up with him a million times yet he always finds a way to get me back. This is not right and it doesn’t feel right. But how can I overcome this and end this crazy love story?” If you are one of those many people who’ve been having affairs with your married or unmarried colleagues or friends, which is going nowhere, it is time to end the relationship and move on. Though this may sound rude and unjust, but isn’t it better to end a bad affair than carry it to a nowhere land? Ending an affair, however, is as hard as starting an affair, perhaps harder. Agreed, no one loves to start a relationship when he/she knows that it might end sooner or later. But when things turn sour in between the two of you and when the relationship starts becoming distressing and boring, it makes sense to call it quits. This is why most people say that end the affair as soon as you start realizing that things are going downhill. In case you too are in such a relationship cobweb and are wondering how to come out of it, fret not. Find some useful tips on ending an affair the right way so that moving on with respective lives becomes easier.
Ending An Affair
Measure The Pain
Visualize the torture that you are going through in your current affair and make a note of it. Form two columns and state down the “joys” on one side and “pains” on the other. Jot down all the joyful and meaningful moments and conversations that you have shared. Similarly, list all the abrupt and rude comments and conversations you’ve had with him/her. Record all the symptoms of distress, such as nausea, weight loss, lack of sleep, poor work performance, depression, anxiety, and any other concerns that your friends have noticed in you.
Identify The Perks
With an affair, come several perks. List down all the benefits that you are getting from this affair. Are you getting the needed attention? Does he make you feel attractive? Is it the new relationship that got you hooked? In case you are married, what is it that forced you to get into an affair? Why are you risking your life for a married man?
List Alternative Sources
Now that you have listed all the perks that you are benefiting from this affair, make a list of alternative and safe sources of getting that thrill. To feel attractive, you can visit a salon, meet friends, lose excess weight or buy yourself a new outfit. You do not have to have a man to make you look attractive after all. If you are fed up of the same boring married life, take your spouse on a romantic dinner, fly off to a new destination for a holiday, or surprise him/her with a new look. In short, find safer places when you can invest your efforts to achieve the same perks.
Talk To Your Friends
So you have finally decided to end an affair, catch up a few friends whom you can account blindly and seek their advise. After all, you will need their support after your break up. Thus, it is best to have the support in place before you split. True friends would stand by you in all ups and downs and would also help you take the right decision.
Inform Your Decision
After you have drafted all the positive decisions to breakup with your partner, write down all that you would want your partner to read. You can take help from your friends, if required. However, avoid using words and language that can entangle the person. Keep the data simple and tactful. If you find it hard to face the person and speak up your thoughts, shoot him an email or post him the letter.
Depending upon how deep and lengthy your relationship was, start a new life. Shift into a new apartment, get a new cell phone number, a new job (in case he/she is a co-worker), go for a new haircut, or try out a new hobby to keep you engaged. Dispose off all photos, letters, cards, emails, and gifts that he/she had given/sent you.
Be Calm & Gentle
No matter how good or bad the relationship was, you are bound to have some regrets and ambivalence. After all, you were in an affair; the pain will kill you for sometime. Also, the more you invested, the more painful the loss will be. However, torturing or beating yourself over unresolved feelings will do no good. Remember, time heals everything and so will it heal the loss of this affair!