An affair is the worst thing that can destroy a marriage. Suddenly, all the moments you spent with your partner and the dreams you saw with each other seem totally wasted. All the trust, belief, faith and courage you had in each other are broken into a million pieces. Dealing and surviving an affair is a very traumatic experience for both the partners. It becomes worse if kids are involved. You feel like you have been betrayed by the one you trusted the most. It is very normal to take out your frustrations in the form of rage and anger. At the same time, one must understand that it is very much possible to survive an affair and make your marriage work again. It takes time, but it worth the wait and efforts. Here are some tips to survive an affair.
Tips to Survive Affair
- The first step to take towards dealing with an affair is by clearing your mind of all the doubts and the queries you have. This would require you to talk to each other openly and ask all the questions you have always wanted to. Don’t hesitate to ask personal questions. The more you hesitate, the stronger your doubts will be. Also, don’t call names or taunt each other if you want something constructive out of your conversation.
- Make sure you set a particular limit for talking about the affair. Have normal conversations also and don’t keep popping out this issue in the middle of something else. You will feel less miserable that way and will be able to recover better.
- You need to clear off your pain as well. Let your partner know how he/she has made you feel. Talk about your anger, pain, frustrations and the disappointment you are facing because of this. Help to open up a two way channel of communication where there is free flow of talks and discussions. Don’t hold back and help to open a window of intimacy between the two of you again.
- It is not necessary that you forgive quickly. This is something that has hurt you beyond limits. So, take your time and build up that trust and faith again before you are ready to forgive your partner and accept him/her back into your life. Don’t forgive under pressure, take your time.
- Spend time with each other without talking about the affair and do other fun stuff that you used to enjoy before. Go on a hike, boating, nature trek, dinner or simply cook a special meal for each other. This will rekindle old memories and will familiarize you with the good old times spent together. You both will realize each other’s importance again and will strive harder to survive this affair and make your marriage work.
- Make sure the decision you arrive on is in the best interest for both of you. If you need to live alone for a few days to get over this, let your partner know. Set a limit to conversation and gain confidence that behind your backs, he/she won’t do the same mistake. You may want to move in with a friend or parents for sometime to find support.