How To Deal With Controlling Mothers

It is not pleasant to have a parent overtly controlling all the aspects of your life, especially your mother. It can leave you in a serious dilemma whether or not to completely shut yourself off her. Mothers are by nature very loving and protective creatures, it is in their blood to worry for you and think in your benefit.  But sometimes this love, care and protection can turn them into obnoxious control freaks, which can make your life a living hell. If you do not upfront confront her or let her know in some indirect ways then she might not even know what she is doing. Knowing that she does not have malice in her heart, you have to find an effective way to communicate your feelings to her about her compulsive habit of over protecting you. What most of the people do is just drop their controlling parent suddenly and never really explain to them what went wrong? You should refrain yourself from such impulses and face the situation with courage because the matter of the fact remains that whatever your controlling mother is trying to do to you is coming out of love and fear. If you will work at fixing it along side your mother then it will help strengthen your bond with her. It is not easy as it sounds though. Read our article to get some tips on how to deal with a controlling mother.

 

Your mother has looked after you and guided you in life. Express your gratitude to her for whatever she has done for you. Then explain the problems cropping between both of you. Discuss with her how both of you can deal with the problems. Remain open to suggestions. Maybe it is you who is doing something to trigger off that streak in her. Do not disrespect her but tell her the whole truth. She deserves to know exactly how she tries to control you, as we mentioned in the beginning of this article that she might not even know how she forces her authority on you.

 

Openly appreciate her for the fact that she cares so much about you. Think how much you would miss her in absence. After all, she loves you so much and that is why, sometimes becomes overbearing. Maybe this is what she is missing, your admiration and appreciation. Let her know how you enjoy her positive attention and how much she has contributed in your life to make it perfect.

 

If your mother insists on knowing something from you which you do not want to share, tell her politely but strongly that you love her, but are not able to share every aspect of your life with her. Whenever your mother starts meddling, try to change the subject of conversation. But do it with love and respect. Do not at any point sound authoritative. Your motive here is not to offend her but to show her politely what her boundaries are. Make sure that this does not turn into a nasty fight and that she does not get a wrong idea from it.

 

Best way to deal with her is to mark boundaries. Draw the contours of your life that your mother should not cross. Choose which aspects of your life you will not share with your mother. If she invades them, remind her. If you handle this maturely then this will help her understand her role in your life and the fact that you are an individual. Every time you remind her of her limits, be polite and compassionate.

 

If you hesitate to verbally convey your decision to her, write a letter/e-mail. Explain how you would like the relationship to evolve. Tell her that if she continues interfering, your relationship with her would suffer. Put all your thoughts and feelings into this letter/e-mail. You may also put in some real examples for her to understand your concern in a better way. Before you hand over your letter to her, tell her that it had been difficult for you to say a few things to her and this is why you have put it all down on a letter.

 

Do not look at your mother for every solution. Try to seek approval from yourself instead of from your mother or anyone else. If you have the self-confidence, your mother's controlling tendencies will not get overbearing.

 

An overbearing mother could try to trap her child in guilt-trap. Escape it. Why should you feel guilty for living your own life? Therefore, fight for the emotional independence and do not give into any emotional blackmail.

 

If a controlling mother calls you and for some reason, you have been unable to answer her, call back as soon as possible. Anger of an overbearing mother gets fuelled, if she feels her child is ignoring her.

You mother must have some reasons for exercising over-control. Dig into those reasons and find out why she is so. You must realize that you would never be able to change her. So don’t attempt to change her. Just learn how to deal with her.

You could also consider seeking psychological therapy if you feel things are getting out of hand. It would certainly help.