Narcissistic personality disorder, more commonly known as NPD, can be described as a personality disorder wherein a person suffers from an inflated sense of self importance. Such people think of themselves as always right and in order to hide their own faults, end up criticizing others. The ‘ultra confidence’ that they show is just a veil to conceal their fragile ego, due to which they often have a deep need for admiration. Having a narcissistic person around is, in itself, is a major problem. However, if the person happens to be your parent, especially your mother, the problem increases manifold.
Dealing with Narcissistic Mother
Dealing with a narcissistic person is not an easy task, especially when that person is your own parent. Given below are some tips to help you out.
First thing that you need to do is recognize and accept the fact that your mother suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Look out for the usual symptoms, like believing herself to be right always, constant need for approval, getting jealous of you, criticizing you all the time, getting hyperactive when her faults are pointed out, never accepting that she is wrong, and so on.
You need to be patient with you mother and find out the reason why she turned into a narcissistic. The key lies in her past. Talk to her about her childhood, teenage years, early marital life, and so on. In most cases, dysfunctional childhood, like too much pampering, neglect by parents or abuse, are the reasons behind it. You need to make her feel assured of her present and future and build up her confidence once again.
When dealing with a narcissistic parent, you need to set boundaries for yourself. How much are you willing to take from her, without getting unduly affected? Since a narcissistic parent often causes a child to lose confidence in him/her, you need to be sure that you do not end up suffering from low esteem, because of her. Gather yourself for the battle ahead. Keep reminding yourself that the fault lies not with you, it is with her.
Don’t Feel Guilty
A narcissistic mother always makes her children believe that they are the one who are at fault, not she. She will try to blackmail you emotionally and make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for that trap. Remember that she is more concerned about her own feelings than yours. You need to keep this in mind always. Otherwise, you will be the one to suffer.
Whenever you are with her, try not to react to anything she says. She will constantly try to elicit a response from you and this is what you have to keep her devoid of. However, you need to be assertive and even say ‘No’, when she goes over the board. Then again, anger is something that you should never resort. She will want you to get angry and do something silly that she will later blame you for. So, don’t give her that chance.
If you feel that putting up with her is becoming unbearable and you cannot continue to be by her side, without losing your sanity, it is the time to move on. A narcissistic mother has a negative effect on the personality of a child. Your anger and resentment, at her, might spill on to the other relationships too. So, before you end up losing everything that matters, move away from her. Don’t break contact, but stop living under the same roof.