Second Child Syndrome

“It is strange but my second born seems to dislike me” Do you relate to the situation and seem to face the same concerns? The birth of the second child somehow is never celebrated with the same pomp and fervor as the first child. As unfair as it is, but it is human nature to not enjoy repetitive tasks. This can be rightly summarized with the line; dangerous waters once traversed and conquered do not cause the same joy when treaded on once again. Birth of the first child always has a sense of adventure, as the experience in itself is a first. However that does not mean you go careless on your second child. It is important to remember that your second child too deserves the same amount of attention and love. Though his first steps too are as exhilarating an experience as the first child’s, the intensity somehow is always lower, the number of snaps of the second child fewer and appreciation, sparingly given. If you are under the impression that your second born does not notice these subtle differences, then you are grossly mistaken, because these differences are not only noticed, but also develop behavioral characteristics in the child that are anything, but remotely positive. Read on to know if your child has any of those behavioral traits. If so, then take immediate measures as he will only spiral downwards, if your indifference continues!

Ways To Deal With Second Child Syndrome

When treading on the road to mend ways with your second child, know that you would have to face a lot of obstacles and bumps. Your constant lack of attention and the attitude difference between the first and the second born has already worsened the relation between the two of you. As such, chances are that he/she would not respond to your sudden interest in him/her. The child is bound to be aloof and sentences like “I hate you” a commonality. However, know that these are just the ways of making you feel guilty for all the lost time. These should not deter you, as in reality the child is actually craving for attention.
A neglected child is also a problem child. He/she is likely to get into trouble and mess, as it is one of his/her ways of getting attention. It is advisable not to reprimand the child every time he/she gets into trouble. Show your annoyance, but overreacting to the situation will only make matters worse. Just react the way you would have, if the same had been done by your first born.
One of the major slipups that parents often commit is comparison. Comparing one child to the other is a terrible thing and should be avoided at all costs. Do not constantly compare your second child with your first born. A casual comment, such as “why can’t you be more like your elder brother/sister”, can make things worse to the extent that the second child can start abhorring his/her elder sibling. Though sibling rivalry is common and normal, let it be a healthy competition which brings out the best in both of them, rather than hatred and odium. Also, you need to, at all times, make your second child feel certain that he/she is as important to you as your first child.
You will also face a lot of anger and negative attitude from him/her. Chances are that your second child would constantly try to push you away from him/her. However, know that these are common defense mechanisms he/she has devised over time. These are just the ways of his/her letting you know that you were wrong and that he/she deserves to be loved as much as his/her elder sibling, if not more. To break the ice, shower your love and affection to him/her constantly. This would make the child feel loved and cared for and with time, the feeling of inferiority and neglect are sure to wade away.
It has been noted that the second child usually falls in the under achiever category, more so, if the first born is doing exceptionally well in life. The second child also tends to be less ambitious than the first one. Also, he/she begins to believe that nothing he/she does is going to be good enough. Second child are also unable to deal with pressure and have the tendency to crack completely under pressure. It, thus, becomes the responsibility of the parents to see that just like the first child; they pay equal attention to the second child and help him/her charter a set of goal or objectives in mind.
Remember, if the insecurities of your second child are not noticed at an early stage, then they can lead to major problems later on in life. Your second child could turn into a complete loner and might not value intimate relationships that much. He/she could also develop commitment issues and might never settle down or believe in the institution of marriage. Thus, it is important to make sure that as parents; you take up the reform measures as early as possible so that your second child feels as important and as loved as the first child.

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