Women often wonder why there are no schools or institutions to teach men to confront their feelings in a more frank and positive way, rather than sulking and blaming the world for being crafty. The answer lies in one simple fact - only women can teach men how to deal with their feelings positively. Now, surely, men wouldn’t like to learn that from anyone, a man or a woman! Right boys? Jokes apart, men mostly feel insecure because of their own issues or because of unexplained suspicions or fears geounded in previous bad relationships. This makes thembehave in a way that not only affects their own emotional well-being, but also of their partner, thus threatening to throw the relationship in jeopardy. They may either sulk in one corner, throwing a dirty and damp rag on your chirpy mood or ask you a thousand questions about where you had been, what took you so long, who you had met and what you talked about, and so on. Since most men are not well equipped to deal with their feelings in a constructive way, it is up to their woman to help them come to terms with their feelings. Given here are some ways that can help you in dealing with an insecure man.
How To Deal With Insecure Men
Here are some ways in which you can deal with insecure and intimidating men:
Your man needs to confront his feelings sooner or later; and you will have to help him do so. Instead of sounding confrontational, leave him to himself when he is angry or depressed for a few moments. Approach him only when he has cooled down and try to keep your temper in check all through the conversations. Try to think of it in a logical and reasonable way - that is the only way in which men see things, including feelings. Men try to rationalize feelings too, trying to break them down to the level of mathematical equations. It might sound boring, even degrading, but that is how all men function. You will have to bring him to the realization that it is better to be up front about the issue and its cause, rather than to let things pile up. Men are better at dealing with concrete objects and technical stuff, but cannot understand their feelings to save their lives. So, it is up to you to give them the confidence that it is alright and, in fact, good to be upfront about their feelings. Maybe, your man is frightened about losing you, because he feels inadequate in some way or he may be intimidated by your independence. He may have gone through bad relationships or his parents may have had a bad marriage. Any such cause will make him over cautious about relationships. He is thus, likely to be insecure about romantic relationships that last long. So, here you need to understand the cause and then try to build up his trust in you as well as the relationship.
Is He Worth It?
After he has discussed with you the cause for his insecurities, you will have to ask yourself if he is worth staying with or is it better for you to move out of the relationship. Men who are generally unsure of themselves and are trying to come to terms with their feelings will most likely sulk at any show of independence by you. They may not totally dislike the fact that you are more successful or better than them in any way; they may even secretly be proud of you. However, since men are expected to be better than women, especially in the professional sphere, they may have some issues that they need to handle on their own. Many a times, it has nothing to do with you or your relationship. On the other hand, men who try to control lives of their women out of insecurity deserve a sound kick on their back sides! Jokes apart, such men most likely expect you to behave like a well trained pet, rather than as an individual or a human being who has her own needs, desires, likes and dislikes. If you feel that your man tries to dictate when and with whom you should go, where you should work, with whom you should talk to over the phone and so on, you are better off without him.
Talk It Out
After you have realised that the man you are dealing with, inspite of his insecurities and fears, is worth continuing a relationship with, you must take time out to talk to him openly about the issue. Provide him reassurance as well as make him see your point of view and their own irrationality. Tell him that it is all right to take time to get over bad situations in life, but a few bad past experiences should not make him devoid of happiness in the present ones. He has to understand that just because he is incapable of coming to terms with his feelings, you will not stand for becoming a victim, for no fault of yours. Also, try and convince him of his abilities, if he is losing self esteem – tell him enough number of times that he is worthy, intelligent, caring and the likes, so that his sagging self esteem gets a boost.