People often end up sabotaging their relationships because they cannot find ways to effectively express or channelize their anger. They make themselves vulnerable and make their partners feel worse off in a fit of anger. Sometimes the outburst is so severe that one of the partners, mostly the male one, may end up turning violent, exposing a man’s biggest weakness. Yes, anger management doesn’t come naturally to men, although more and more women are also beginning to lose their ability to handle their anger better. The only person who seems to benefit from this whole situation is the counselor who tries to teach either of them how to manage their anger. Nevertheless, there are some ways in which a person can channelize his or her anger better and even communicate it better to their partners. Read on to know how to deal with anger in relationships.
Anger Management In Relationships
Here are some things that you should keep in mind when looking forward to manage your anger better, so as to prevent it from ruining your relationship:
It’s Alright To Be Angry
Many of us are told that anger is not a natural state of mind, when it actually is. It is very natural and perfectly human to be angry and to look for a way of venting it. Also, problems do not arise because people get angry, but they arise when people refuse to let go of their anger or channelize it right. Do not feel afraid or guilty about feeling angry, but look for better ways to channelize it.
Pent up anger will only lead to feelings of either being wronged and thus dissatisfaction regarding the relationship, or feelings of revenge, which are all the more dangerous. One is self-destructive and the other could be hurtful to the partner. It is best to communicate with your partner and sort out the matter rather than suffering silently.
While communicating be absolutely specific about what made you angry and how you wish to be treated. Instead of saying “You always ignore me!” try saying “I was hurt when you ignored me this morning when I asked me whether you would like to go for a movie and you completely ignored me.” In fact, it is best not to use absolutes like “always” and “never”.
Situation Or Partner?
Many a times we are angry at the situation, but end up venting the anger in such a way, that our partner begins to feel as if the anger is directed against him or her personally. Make sure you express your anger in a way that your partner does not feel wrongly judged or accused.
Lose Temper; Not Control
While it is perfectly okay and understandable to lose your temper over something that happened or something that your partner said or did, you must try not to lose your calm over it. Losing control over your feelings makes you vulnerable and weak. It also makes you say or do things that you had no intention of saying or doing. Remember that losing control over your feelings and shooting your mouth will not make you feel better; but will only hurt your partner.