“I am getting married in the morning…” goes the refrain from the film ‘My Fair Lady’. If you are also singing this song lately and actually mean it, you may be going through a lot of excitement, nervousness and a whole range of emotions that flit across your persona every few seconds. It is alright to be nervous about the big day, but have you taken into consideration as to what would you do if your spouse turned out to be completely averse to the idea of you working after marriage, while you may still want to continue with your career? Have you taken time out to straighten all those rough edges? If not, then make no doubt about it, you will run into many an obstacle in your path. A wise man said that marriage is not about two people in love, it’s about two people with same goals (do not confuse goals with ambitions!). Make sure you and your partner have the same goals in life. To know that, you will have to ask a few questions to your partner. Here are some things you should know before tying the knot.
Things You Should Know Before Getting Married
Here are some of the questions you should ask each other before you and your partner say “I do” in front of whole audience:
Since the first thing that both partners as well as their parents look for, at least in India, is financial stability. You would have already known where your partner works, what is his/her job profile, how much he/she earns and so on. The next thing you should be concerned about is the expenditure after marriage.
- Would you both have joint accounts, separate accounts or both?
- Does your partner have any debts or loans to pay off?
- If you are marrying a divorcee, especially a man, does he have any financial obligations towards his first wife?
- If you both earn well, you may want to decide as to who spends on the ‘needs’ and who spends on the ‘wants’ – that is, who spends for the necessities and who would spend on the luxuries.
Children are another factor that could prove to be quite a bone of contention. Many families, who have just got their children married, begin to assume that the new husband and wife would immediately go along the family way, which may not be the case. Also, some men in India seem to think that disciplining is a woman’s job and their job is only to spoil the kids; they are usually the escapists, who do not want to take any blame for anything gone wrong. Here are some questions that you both would have to answer for each other:
- When would both of you want to start a family?
- If you both would like to go the family way right away, how many children do you and your husband/wife want?
- If not now, when exactly would you want to have children – that is after how many years?
- What do you and your partner feel about disciplining the children? Is your partner laid back or super strict? Does your partner practice what he/she preaches or is he/she the type who believes that kids should be seen and not heard?
Even when two people who marry, belong to the same religion and even the same caste or sub caste, chances are there maybe differences in how they feel about religious or spiritual beliefs, how they celebrate certain festivals and so on. Imagine the situation if yours is an intercaste or interreligious marriage. Here are some questions you should ask about religious beliefs so that you will have fewer problems later:
- Are you or your partner very religious, only partially so, indifferent to religion or the concept of God like an agnostic, or completely against it like an atheist?
- If yours is an inter-caste or interreligious marriage, what religion would your children follow? Or, would you let them choose their religious beliefs themselves, when they grow up?
- Are there any special religious ceremonies that you or your partner or the family members of either side feel strongly about?
Since many families, especially the nuclear ones, have both parents working, it is best to know what your partner, feels about his/her own career and yours too. Here are some questions that you should ask:
- Would both of you, especially the women, work full time after you have children?
- What is the nature of each of your careers and how seriously do each of you take it?
- How well established are both of you in your respective professions and what are your ambitions and aspirations?
Though a new couple would like to spend every moment together, it is essential and even advisable to spend some time apart, all by yourself or with your own set of friends. Here are some points to consider about personal space:
- How much time do both of you need apart?
- Does your partner like to spend much time with his/friends?
- Do you or your partner like to spend time all by yourself, reading, writing, or just reflecting?