Men and women never forget the day of their marriage – for various reasons. It is a monumental day for many, when they would wake up every day to the realization that now they are responsible for not just themselves, but also their spouse. They plan when to start a family and how many children to have. And one fine day, they come to face the realization that they would soon be turning into parents and would together be responsible for one more living being totally dependent on them. They are happy, excited, nervous, and cautious and a whole range of emotions that they would have never experienced. Suddenly, as soon as the child comes into their lives, the romance that was there suffers an abrupt end. It was as if all the romance was there not for them but as a substitute for the child. This phenomenon is more common than we think it is, and is often the cause of much heartache. It is during such a time that we need to understand the significance of romancing while parenting.
Romance After Parenthood
Why Romance Plunges After Parenthood?
Men are often nervous as well as excited about their new roles as fathers and often try to make life as comfortable as possible for their wives before the child is born. They refuse to let their wives cook, give them a tall glass of milk at night, wash clothes for them, give in to each of their whims and fancies and also bear each of the mood swings that the their wives undergo. When the baby comes along, however, the mother goes into an overdrive and runs around to take care of the new entrant of the family and the new father does not know where he fits in. Since men are trained to hide their feelings of hurt, the husbands retreat into their shells and become withdrawn. The wives, on their part, fail to understand how to make them see how much they are struggling so that the husbands could chip in and help a little with work so that they could relax. This, in turn, increases their bouts of moodiness and wives too begin to become withdrawn. This is one of the most common reasons for loss of romance after the birth of a child.
Rekindling Romance After Parenthood
Here are some ways to reignite the spark in a marital relationship after having become parents:
Men and women who do the chore of around the house together when they enter parenthood often find that this is the best way to take time out for each other, without compromising on their duties. Washing dishes or hanging out the clothes to dry, going out for groceries or washing the baby’s clothing together is an excellent way of spending some much-needed time together.
No Baby For Now, Honey
Take some time off from parenting and talk about how you both have been all these days. Talk to each other about topics that do not involve the child and try to see if it is possible for you to do so. The more time you spend talking about the child, the less time you will have for yourself.
Watch your favourite film together or reruns of your favourite television series together after you have put the baby to sleep. It will remind you of your days of courtship when you spent time in movie houses trying to work up a relationship that would last forever. Now how romantic is that?
Arrange for someone to babysit your child, say your neighbour or younger sister or mother-in-law, and go out on a date with your husband. This will ensure some time for just the two of you.
It is important for both the spouses to indulge in non-sexual cuddling even after the child is born so that either does not feel left out because of the coming of the child. Holding hands or feeding each other with bare hands is another way to reaffirm love and keep the romance alive.