According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Personality Disorders (DSM – IV), American Psychiatric Association, 1994, passive aggressive personality disorder is a chronic condition in which the person actively agrees to abide by the desires and needs of others, while passively tries to resist them with growing feelings of anger and often becoming hostile towards others. It’s a term potentially unknown to the commoners as expressing anger in a passive way is something they are not aware of or don’t fully understand. Living with a passive aggressive husband can be quite a draining experience for the wife, as he may let out his anger and hostility towards her in a totally insidious manner. Imagine smothering someone up with silk cushions, but smothering nonetheless! He can make the tables turn to his wife making her think that it was her own fault to begin with; hence, engendering feelings of insecurity in her mind. Dealing with a passive aggressive husband first calls for recognition of traits that separate a passive aggressive personality from other personality types.
- Fears of intimacy, competition, and dependency
- Frequent complaining about how things or people are or should be
- Pretending to forget what others may have asked
- Feelings of being unappreciated
- Avoiding responsibility
- Frequent arguing
- Subtle, but hurtful ways of letting out anger and disco
After recognizing the traits and making sure that it’s nothing other than passive aggressive behavior that’s turning your relationship sour, you need to deal it with equal subtlety so as not to fend him off even more. Read further about dealing with a passive aggressive husband.
How To Deal With Passive Aggressive Husband
- Start with praying. Pray so that he recognizes the behavior on his own and for positive changes to seep into his heart, as there’s a potentially nothing we can do to change a person’s heart. This process has to happen from within when the conscience lets out an order saying “It’s time”.
- Always try to maintain a positive attitude no matter how destructing those subtle attacks are from your husband. Try to remind yourself of your positives and your husband’s. Meditate on a regular basis to fend off that negativity and feelings of insecurity that have begun to form inside you. Keep talking to your good friends and ask them to spend some time with you and your husband, just to share some happy cheer and bring in some positive energy into the house.
- You need to have an outlet or two for your emotions, lest you too turn passively aggressive. Understand that this personality disorder is mainly a result of our emotions being suppressed up for too long, because of the genetics and the environment we live in. Avoid keeping built up emotions at heart, as it can act like a venom and take over the entirety of your psychological and physical self. Write in your diary, go for a walk or spend some time alone. Talk to your best friends; just don’t let those emotions create a pile of junk.
- Gently and caringly, ask your husband to share his heart with you. Convince him with your love that no power in this world can create a rift between you two and nothing can dim down that passion you felt together in the beginning of your relationship for each other. This may be all that he needs - a promise from your side which will allow him to keep his insecurities and fears of intimacy and dependency at bay, so that he opens up to you. Letting his emotions out will relieve him out of a lot of negativity and built up energy.
- If the above doesn’t work, take a stand. Don’t give into his demanding behavior and don’t allow him to have his ways. Be strong, no matter how much he bickers. Make him understand that what he’s doing is wrong. If he says he forgot, tell him you didn’t forget but didn’t want to. If he acts stubborn, don’t give into it. If he complains about how things and people are, tell him that change needs to initiate from the person who demands for a change.
No matter how hard it seems, try to deal with your passive aggressive husband with these ways!