When it started, it seemed sweet (“Aw! He cares about me so much…”), solicitous (“she’s just trying to be protective…”) and so on. What we didn’t realise was the fact that we were constantly giving excuses for a behavior that would soon become inexcusable. If it is hard for those who have to face jealousy, imagine just how tough it is for the person who is actually jealous and has to admit it to himself/herself that they have got it all wrong, only to give excuses to themselves that you gave to yourself and others. Before they can say “Jealousy” they lose loved ones and find relationships breaking in front of their eyes. Finally they are forced into realizing that they may actually be more jealous than is needed to sustain a healthy relationship. If you are one of those courageous people who have finally come to accept that your jealousy is coming in the way of your relationships, here is how to nip those pangs of jealousy in the bud.
How Not To Be Jealous In A Relationship
After you have admitted to yourself that you do have a problem with jealousy, you could try thinking in the following lines to be able to understand just why it is so detrimental to a relationship:
- Understand that jealousy is based on a combination of insecurity and egotism. You are reluctant to trust completely, and even what trust you have allowed is, at any given moment, subject to change. In short, you have a higher regard for your suspicions than you have for the person you proclaim to love.
- Do a thorough evaluation of the character of the person you are jealous of. Consider the history and personal knowledge you have of them. Ask yourself, do they deserve your suspicions? Have they committed acts that truly deserve your lack of trust? Does their character warrant the wrath of your jealousy?
- Do a thorough evaluation of your own character. Ask yourself, was your reaction always justified in each instance? Did the one you love truly threaten the trust you share together? Did you react maturely or over-react according to your own insecurity and lack of trust?
- After this introspection, if the one you love proves to be guilty and justly accused, perhaps you should move on to someone upon whom you can truly rely. However, if you discover it is you who are jumping the gun a bit and are unfairly accusing, and you realize it is because you have not allowed a deep trust of your loved one to develop because you are egotistically insecure, then it is time to move on from a juvenile emotional status to a mature emotional status.
After you have understood how it was affecting you and decide to turn to a more mature status emotionally here are some things you could keep in mind to get rid of that feeling of jealousy forever:
If you have gone through a horrible experience in the past regarding a cheating or dishonest ex partner, then jealousy is very obvious for you; so is feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. A little bit of fear oriented jealousy is justified but again too much of it, is always harmful. Letting negative feelings of inadequacy grip you will not bring you any closer to your partner. Most often, it is important for people to love themselves, before they begin to love someone else. In fact, loving yourself can heal any kind of emotional hurt or wound.
It is often observed that many people who want to learn how to stop being jealous are actually victims of acute low self esteem, self defeating behaviors and minor amount of depression as well. It is also important to find out the reason behind the low self-esteem; often, an abusive relationship also leads to low self-esteem that ultimately leads to jealousy and excessive anger that ruins the relationship. Find out the source of the low self esteem and try to overcome it. You can practice several therapies like anger management and couple of therapies for the cause.
If you remain busy, both physically and mentally, you will have less time to concentrate on stuff that may bring on another bout of negative feelings that tend towards jealousy. If, instead of brooding over slight heaped by others, be it real or imaginary, you begin to do things that you genuinely like to do – be it watching television, gardening, playing your favourite game or be it listening to music or reading a book – you would feel better about yourself, and the person you feel envious because of.
Never forget the fact that your partner has a world of his/her own other than you. Yes, you should be his/her first priority, but there are many other things left for him/her to do that are equally important. The best relationship is the perfect blend of two different people. Give each other enough space to breathe easy and enjoy some relaxed moments with different people and things. This will give both of you a chance for self analyzing as well.