How To Help Your Spouse Through Midlife Crisis

All these years, you thought you had nothing to complain from your married life – you and your spouse are well placed and respected in your respective jobs, your children are growing up well, you both stand out as the excellent example of a ‘happily married couple.’ Then, one day, out of the blue, your husband buys a really expensive racer motorbike, the kind that he thought was ‘teeny-boppy’ or juvenile till a few weeks ago. If that was not enough, he shows it off to his friends and others neighbors, just like a teenager! You may just brush such attitude aside and ask him laughingly to grow up. Your teenaged son feels it is the, ‘mother-of-all-embarrassing-moments. Misunderstood and unsupported, your husband begins to go for night-out-with-the-boys, almost every night. He is cranky and irritable when at home, blames you for all that went wrong with his life, and your life is fast spiraling out of control, leaving you completely confused and perplexed. Welcome to the world of midlife crisis – it may only be psychological, but it can easily throw your life in turmoil. And it is up to you to know how to help your spouse get over it. Here’s how to help your spouse get over midlife crisis.

 

Helping Your Spouse Through Midlife Crisis 

Join The Party!
If you humour your spouse for his/her childish behavior, by joining in his/her juvenile escapades, you may be more successful in keeping him/her grounded. It might do you good to understand that your spouse may be worried about the loss of youth, and all the positivity that is attached to youth. Or he/she may be afraid of the fact that your children have grown up and may not need him/her as much as they did. If she/he takes up a new hobby, support it and join in too. 

Be Positive
If you consistently emphasise on the positives of your spouse trying his/her hand at youth again, you may end up making him/her feel validated, which is essentially what they are looking for. You may gawk at the idea of there being anything positive about midlife crisis, but you could emphasise that he/she now shows an increased level of energy, and how he/she is high on life again. Discouragement of such behavior will, on the other hand, make him/her feel invalidated and will push him/her to look for others who feel that way, like a particular group of friends. 

Lighten Up
This phase of your partner’s life could be difficult in the sense that they tend to take things that they would otherwise brush aside, very seriously, sometimes madly so. You may have paid very little attention to their appearance all this while, since work, career, and family were highest on the priority list. Now that they do not have to worry about all that, the other things gain importance – the loss of youth, the uncertainty of old age, the fear of losing the love of their children. It might pay, however, if they took the eventuality of growing old less seriously and gave it a lighter twist. Arrange for him/her to be in the company of people who take such things less seriously and who can easily leave both of you in splits. 

If your partner’s behavior takes a disastrous turn and if they begin to take refuge in alcohol or if their work begins to suffer or they suffer from insomnia or binge eating, or other such detrimental behavior, it may signal the need to seek the help of a counselor. Do not shy away from bringing in a professional to help your spouse get over midlife crisis.