Fear of intimacy is a major reason behind undermining of relationships. It is a major factor behind the relationships falling apart. Sharing ourselves becomes a problem when we feel that that we are defective, unworthy, and unlovable.
What is Fear of Intimacy
In simple words, fear of intimacy is the hesitation of a person in revealing him/her self to another person. This could lead disastrous effects on a person.
A slew of factors could be behind the fear in relationships. Childhood plagued with abuse and neglect, may make an individual fearful of his new relationship. He could unwillingly think that the new relation could also bring him abuse. Fear of abandonment could force a guarded behavior, eliminating the possibility of an intimate relationship. Persons who have got a little emotional intimacy have problems developing emotional intimacy with other persons. They feel that if they reveal themselves to other people it could be harmful to them.
Result of the Trauma
A traumatized person could suffer in lowered self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. A feeling of guilt could arise in the person. He could suffer from feeling guilty or feeling like a failure. The person could feel depressed, hopeless and empty. He could even feel that his personality is defected. He could feel as if his pride has been sabotaged and all the world is behind him. Fear of intimacy could have serious implications for a person’s personality.
Healing Head and Heart
For getting out of the quagmire, we have to first heal our head and then heart. We have to try intellectually and push out false beliefs. We have to intellectually understand the importance of love and intimacy. And then we have to integrate it with our day-to-day human existence. When we will be able to integrate the head and heart totally, we will be able to substantially change the dysfunctional behavior patterns. The integration will heal our emotional wounds and lead to normal life. In short, we will have to deal with the subconscious emotions. Once we rectify these feelings, we will be able to remove fear of intimacy.
How to Overcome Anxiety & Fear in Relationships
- Reveal yourself with words and actions. In place of turning your back at the problem, step out and reveal yourself. Your behavior should be authentic and the other person must not feel that you are hiding your feelings.
- Share your personal and everyday experiences with your partner and close friends. This will open you up and reduce fear of intimacy.
- Talk to your friends and what is going in your life. Share your thoughts, your hopes and your frustrations. You will feel that you are not alone.
- Intimacy in relationships will help you feel complete and enhance your self-worth. You must try and inculcate this in your subconscious self.